Ask me anything
I don’t think you’re lazy, or stupid. I think it is more likely that one of three things is true:
1. You are afraid of failure.
This is when you don’t study, so you get a bad grade, but since you didn’t actually try, it’s not like you really failed! The thought of trying your hardest and still failing is so scary that you’d rather just not try. That way, success always feels attainable, even if you never actually attain it.
Downside: you beat yourself up all the time for being lazy, apathetic, and bad at time management.
2. You are afraid of success.
People expect things from people who succeed! Expectations mean pressure, and that thought fills you with anxiety! You’re sure you’d let everybody down—yourself included. If you hate disappointing people, this is more likely to be you. You may feel bad for being a disappointment in general, but you know that nobody will ever be THAT disappointed, since you’ve taught them not to expect much in the first place.
Downside: you beat yourself up all the time about being a stupid worthless failure.
3. You are not ALLOWED to succeed.
This is what happens when you’re depressed. Your depression WANTS you to fail! If you succeeded, then maybe you would start to think that you weren’t worthless, and your depression can’t have that. Sometimes it feels like you CAN’T study: no matter how loudly you yell at yourself to open your books, you just won’t do it. It can feel like you aren’t even in control of your body - because you’re not. Your depression has taken control.
Downside: this is literally all downside.
I don’t know which one of these things is the case for you, but maybe one of them rang true as you read it. No matter the case, I think the first step is to stop calling yourself stupid and lazy, because it’s just not true. You have a problem that you need to overcome. And that’s not easy! Overcoming depression is obviously a struggle, but overcoming something you’re afraid of is a serious challenge, too!
It’s not as easy as saying, “Oh, that’s a dumb and counterproductive thing to be afraid of; I will stop.” Knowing what you’re afraid of is important, but it doesn’t necessarily help you open your books, any more than it would help an arachnophobe to know they were afraid of spiders before being asked to stick their hand into a bucket of them. It’s still terrifying! So you need to treat it as terrifying, and psych yourself up. Put on power music. Give yourself pep talks, brace yourself, and count down from three. Treat it like it’s actually a challenge: because it is!
I can believe that you’re brave way more easily than I could believe you were lazy or stupid.
As pride comes before the fall….
Forgive me for expressing my pain here. Fiercely and forcefully. I do not wish others pain, but rather I wish to learn from them.
I wish to learn from my pain. To understand my pain, and to rule over it. As opposed to letting pain rule over me.
To share in life’s little victories… And digital dreams… Can we still do that?
Can we still share our hopes, dreams and wishes to our dearest friends without stepping on each other’s toes? Why do we assume vanity? Why do we condemn joy? Do we really prefer each other wallow in grief and pain?
…or to shut off all communications?
What the fuck is wrong with all you Facebookers?
I prefer a dissenting position presented in a polite manner, to a dissenting position presented in rage.
This preference is true despite the fact that the correctness of a position is not dependent on how much rage you present it in.
Like it or not, the more confronting your voice, the more likely it will be confronted with confrontation.
And sometimes, just sometimes, silly confrontations are a waste of time.
Conflict is inevitable, yes I know. Sometimes its even beneficial. Like when you seek iterations for a stable yet unbeneficial system, to force it to change. (One should wonder unbeneficial to whom, though…)
Is it just me, or does Evangelical Christianity lead to a perpetual Fight Or Flight mental mode? I mean, it shouldn’t right? Because I imagine it would be mentally exhausting…?